The Complexity of Grief

There is a common theory of grief that proposes five stages: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance. Simple, right? Not quite. Through both my personal experience, and my experience as a therapist, it has become clear to me that grief can actually be very complex and long.

Firstly, even just recognizing grief isn't always easy. Grief can show up in multiple forms, such as:

• Death of a loved one

• End of a friendship

• Breakup from a romantic relationship

• Loss of a job or home

• Realizing that a part of your childhood was lost due to trauma

• Loss of lifestyle due to a health issue

• Infertility / Miscarriage

• Death or tragedy in the news, even if you didn't know the individual(s) personally

• Loss of community or support

• Abortion

• Loss of faith or religious identity

• Etc....

Once your grief is recognized, you may be able to move through your grief journey in a natural way with some support and patience. However, sometimes people get stuck in their process of grief if there was something about the loss that was unresolved. For example, you might experience guilt, regrets, resentment, or unanswered questions.

So, what are some ways to work through your grief?

• Understand that grief looks different for everyone, and can take different amounts of time. Coming to acceptance does NOT mean that you are “over” the loss and will never feel sad about it again.

• Do something to honour the lost individual and keep their memory alive - Talk about them! Even months or years later

• Write a letter to the lost person, especially if you have things you are holding onto. If the loss isn't of a person, then write a letter about your loss in general.

• Therapy is a great resource to process your thoughts and feelings, while also learning new coping tools

And remember that no matter what your grief is about, you are ALLOWED to feel sad.